What a few weeks I have personally been having - my son has just started School, my daughter kinder both for the first time, my husband is in a new job and I am deciding how to best continue growing my own business, given everything else that's going on.  All of that coupled with our "normal" lives of staying in touch with family and friends, our external hobbies and loves, and maintaining time with eachother.  We have been struggling through this process.  I have stopped many times over the past month and asked myself "Where has Helen Paige gone?"  She is not perfect by any means but she would know what to do to bring balance back into life.

I have been waking up every day feeling anxious, confused, like I live in fog.  Every day this feeling remains, every day it gets worse.  At first I really stressed out about it, trying to work out what this feeling means: Is it telling me I am in the wrong place in life, that we need to make changes, that what we are doing and where we are is not for us?  OR Is it instead just the experience of change (and goodness knows the whole family is doing it at once) and it will blow over as we get used to our new worlds?  Which one is it, I keep asking myself and every day I grow even more confused and even more perplexed at how I have gone from self assured, always listening to guidance and knowing what is in my highest good, to complete and utter confusion.  As I go from place to place, I am an emotional mess. People I meet think I'm nice enough but find me very confusing - together one minute, doubting the next. I don't think they would believe me if I told them what I do for work.

Will this state clear, is it temporary, permanent?  Still confusion reigns.  The more questions I keep asking the more confused I become.  Where have I gone wrong I ask?  What has created this?  I look for outside reasons - it's the state of the world at the minute, other people's fault, something that will pass that has nothing to do with me.  Secretly inside I just want it all to go away.  I want God to look down and say "Helen, this is all ok and everyone of you will survive - stay where you are".  How easy this would be.  It would mean that all the choices I have made so far would be right - we are just where we are meant to be.  But are we?  The anxiety doesn't fall away, the confusion is still there every morning, the nerves are on edge, the clarity is fading as every day I am unable to hear the true voice of the Divine and what it needs me to do.

I walk into my son's new school.  It is my ideal dream - a place that respects the child, loves the child, nurtures the child, and helps them to grow into spiritual leaders.  After all it is Anglican, aspouses these ideals and so on.  I volunteer for classroom assistance with the Grade 1 Art class.  Instead of the ideals I just mentioned I observe something altogether different. The teacher is yelling orders, the kids that are struggling are overlooked, in fact the teacher finishes their work for them, and they are roudy and un-inspired.  The only thing I can remember as I escape this environment is the voice of the teacher in my head saying "SHHH" every couple of minutes.  Huh??  This can't be, I tell myself, it must be a one off.  That night I attend a parent information night, where the same beautiful principles are espoused of teaching children solid values, beginning with respect.  I want to believe them, I really do, because this school represents the perfect world to me, and I want my child to be in the perfect world - one that guarantees me he will be all that he came here to be.  The next day my son's teacher tells me that my child is not good at listening and this is a problem.  He is not following the norm and I need to do something about it.  I want to yell, "yes maybe, but do you still love him!!", but the truth is there is no love here.  The teachers do not greet us with love, nor the children, they are here to teach and you either get with the program or get help.  Something doesn't feel right.  Still I do not listen.  I want this to be easy.  I want this to be the perfect world.  My child need to fit in so he can emerge from this school the leader the school promises he will be. Hum!! 

These confusions are not unique to my family.  We all expreience these moments each and every day.  That's why I'm always booked out for channellings and healings.  We don't know how to listen to ourselves.

I went for a walk early this morning whilst it was still dark, still seeking an answer.  Wondering where is my team of angels and guides, my Beloved that guide me so well.  Through the wall of the confusion I found it in the tiniest corner of existence, just enough and it says to me: Remember WHO you are.  As I come close to returning home, I suddenly remember all of my true dreams.  The things that make me, ME.  My dream to start a school where children are nurtured and loved, to write to inspire people to be themselves and to empower them to know themselves.  These are the things I have forgotten as I have been trying to fit into a foreign world.  A world unknown to me. 

I suddenly realise, I don't need to fit into the world!!!  What am I always telling my clients and students?  You make the rules and life will follow you!  LIFE NEEDS TO FIT INTO ME, not the other way around.  With this realisation, I understand again that my only task is to know WHO I AM.  I don't mean to know who we are in a concrete way - can we ever, for we are not our titles and our roles- but to know what is important to us, what we are striving for.  This is the clarity we need to come back to so that we know where we are going and how to get there.  So today I enter my day with this new attitude.  I walk into the school with my energy saying "show me why you deserve me, why I need to be here" and not the other way around.  My children will survive if we leave and they will survive if we stay.  Life is mine to live.  I have to live it according to my own rules.  I have to follow my inner urge and trust.  I am reminded of the need to give it all up, to surrender my small minded will.  The Divine says to me "let us carry it for you and we will give you only one piece of information at a time so we do not burden you".  This time I listen.  I know it will all work out as it is meant to.  It already has and so I take a sigh of relief and continue on my journey.


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Helen Paige is a Spiritual Teacher who shares her spiritual teachings with love, compassion and truth.  Her work in raising the consciousness of the planet has spanned over 10 years, and she continues to inspire others through her simple and profound insights. She currently works as a Medical Intuitive in Melbourne Australia, and runs workshops and medical intuitive training for those seeking a highly evolved way of living and working.  She is the author of 'Guardian of the Light' Book and Meditation CD, and 'Healing in the Now' CD Therapeutic Program.  Visit her website at www.HelenPaige.com